Hurricanes and Abandonment

David recently sent me list of parent support sites. Heather Forbes is one of these. David says "she is advocating a parenting paradigm that seems very appropriate for adopted children. In a nutshell, her emphasis is on staying connected with our children relationally so we can help they “stay regulated” emotionally. Simply exacting a consequence for behavior does not address the child’s need if they are disregulated (basically acting out of their reactions and subconscious fears). The resources on her site are definitely worth exploring!"

http://www.beyondconsequences.com/

This is a link to one of her blog articles. It's about taking care of yourself. This creates a more loving person who has more love to give. I "know" I need to care for myself in order to be the best parent I can be, but it still gets shoved to the bottom of my to-do list. This was true even before we adopted. Reading this was an excellent reminder. I loved the list she generated. It is my plan to generate my own list this week. I hope it encourages you, too.

http://heather-forbes.blogspot.com/2008/08/do-you-have-emotional-hurricane-plan-in.html

I also found this article of hers to be of interest. It's about abandonment. With all of the energy we've been expending on Anna, I haven't spent much time thinking about the adjustments Misha is going through. He's such an easy going kid, but his life has been turned upside down... again. He left a grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousin in the Ukraine. He remembers his dad, his mom, Anna's dad. All of these people were part of his life and now he lives across the globe. Even understanding the why's of how he came to be adopted, doesn't necessarily lesson the feelings of loss. As much as we love him and as much as he's glad to be with us, there is still loss. We are blessed that we are able to call his grandmother each week. Though some might hesitate at the cost of a weekly international call, the connection for Misha and Anna is priceless. As we grow in our relationship with our kids and as English improves, I hope Misha (and Anna) will feel safe in sharing with us. If not, that's OK too. We'll just be here - loving on them.

http://www.beyondconsequences.com/enewsletter/vol3-issue1/issue1.html